After months of job interviews and disappointments from not getting them, I settled on McDonald’s. I was planning my escape from McDonald's as the manager was sending people on break. I told myself not to leave at the moment I wanted to but to wait until after the young man who was "training" me had taken his break. The plan, when she sent me, I would just not return. So, when it was my turn, I gathered my belongings, changed clothes, turned in the uniform to the new manager on duty and told her that I would not be staying as an employee. I left and proceeded to walk home. I texted the manager who hired me to let her know. She seemed very concerned as to what had happened. I let her know that the level of respect among the staff was lower that what I held for myself and could not stay in that environment. She apologized and said she would speak to her staff.
As I continued my walk home I knew my husband would have something to say. I called him once I reached the library where I planned to continue work on my semester project. He told me he would pick me up for lunch. Once he got there, he didn't say anything, surprisingly. We drove back towards his office and he got something to eat. After he got his food, he proceeded to give me his advice and asked why I didn't listen to him about not getting a job in something I did not want to be doing. He said "I understand that you are disappointed that you did not get the other job and that you feel you are not where you would like to be in life but you should be o.k. with just doing nothing. Sometimes its the best thing to do". The only problem with that is my belief.
So, what is it that I believe? It's simple, if I am not bringing monetary value to our situation I do not see the value in the other things I'm doing. For example, taking our daughter to school in the morning, making breakfast and tea for my husband before he leaves for work, the laundry, cooking, having lunch with him daily, and spending quality play and learning time with our four year old. For him, those things are enough. From my point of view, those things are not helping us pay the mortgage, bring food into the house or pay our bills. I'm no longer a member of a church but I still speak to God regularly and would say that I have a decent relationship with my Creator. It's just extremely difficult to sit still and do nothing, as far as work goes. I feel as though I need to be busy in order to be accomplishing something. But, after walking out of McDonald's, I had a better sense of happiness and ability to be still.
Wednesday, on my way to class I was listening to a speaker on Youtube as she spoke about life patterns and how we need to recognize them when they show up in order for us to change them. And as she spoke, I realized that this was a pattern for me. I would have ebbs and flows, springs and winters, planting seasons and harvests. And I always have had an issue with the down time. I took a mental note of the seeds I've planted and what I'm expecting to come forth. So, why is it so difficult to wait for the seeds to germinate? This is a question, I do not have an answer to yet. But it will come and then and only then will I be able to change this pattern of mine.
I look forward to taking this writing journey with whom ever is interested in going with me. Until next time.
Spartan On
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